The Compliment Challenge

Changing the World One Compliment at a Time

A few months ago, I put out a challenge on my blog. The challenge was simple: give a compliment to someone every day for a month. I was surprised how many people did not take me up on this challenge – and more shocked at the responses by those who did.

Several people told me: “That is so nice you are doing that; I simply don’t have time.” Others simply ignored me. Discouraging.

Then I got a note from one local business owner who joined me on this challenge, and said the following:

“Kathy, I honestly thought I didn’t have time to deal with this. It isn’t going to help me or my business, but what a nice gesture. Then I was at Martin’s and someone complimented my shoes. It was a horrible day, and that one little compliment really brightened my mood. I can honestly credit that woman in the bread section of the grocery store for turning my mood into a good one at just the right time. I was able to head home to my family in a good mood rather than to take all the frustration from my day home to the dinner table. I am joining in on your Challenge, and thank you for opening my eyes to the importance of complimenting those in our day.”

I issued this challenge because, in my line of work, I see and hear women criticizing their appearance over and over again. I have often joked that if I were able to pop my eyeballs out so my clients could see themselves as I see them, I would be a very rich woman! It really is crazy. I have had clients who went on to be models at some very prestigious New York modeling agencies tell me how “fat” they were. Why are we so incredibly critical of ourselves?

Admittedly, I do it, too. I’ve been known to only be photographed on my left side (I think my right side is awkward). When someone compliments me, I’m not sure how to take it and find myself downplaying the compliment.

The truth is we (as women) need those compliments, and I don't think we're getting enough of them.

Okay, yada yada yada – beauty is on the inside – bla bla bla. True. But, don't we all want to be told we look nice? If a random person at the grocery store tells you that they like your (fill in the blank), doesn't it brighten your day? Or what if your significant other suddenly looks at you, stops in his tracks and says, “You are so beautiful.” Come on, admit it; your face brightens, and you feel a little giddy inside!


Studies say it takes saying 10 nice things to someone to undo what one bad thing does to one’s self-esteem. Other studies reveal that we as a society tend to apologize more than we complement each other. “Psychology Today” said in a 2004 article, “compliments are one of the most extraordinary components of social life. If given right, they create so much positive energy that they make things happen almost as if by magic.”

Consider this:

You walk into a tense business situation. Everyone is on edge; perhaps there is bad blood between some of those participating in the meeting. When you walk in, you begin to compliment several people in the room saying things like, “Sally, that is a great color on you.”

“Bob, I saw your son at the baseball diamond over the weekend. He is a star! You must be very proud.”

The meeting starts. You continue your compliments: “Joe, you have done a lot of work on gathering facts, excellent job – thank you for all of your efforts.”

During the discussion you continue, “Mary, your insight on this topic is critical. You are a real expert.”

The tension of the meeting is diffused by your compliments. It isn’t about offering empty praise, but it is about recognizing and calling attention to what you truly appreciate in the other person.

I believe that real beauty shines from the inside out. Integrity, honesty, a pure heart, kindness and giving spirit – all of these shows on the outside. We can see it in the sparkle in someone's eyes, in a smile and in a kind face.

Can you imagine what our church, neighborhood or place of employment would feel like if we, as the women (and dare I say, the backbone!) of our community, started complimenting each other every day?

his article appears in the October 2011 issue of The Family Magazine of Michiana

PHOTO CREDITS
http://www.signpictures.net
https://www.mcssl.com

The deal with black toenail polish

Every September, I break out the black toenail polish.  This is quite a departure for me...generally I am a light pink polish or maybe a 'French' polish kind of girl.  Very rarely do I venture out into the depths of brightly colored hands or feet.

Unless it is September.

For the past few years, this has become important.  It is (in part) to keep a memory alive. But more than that it is to celebrate the life of a young girl named Brit.

2 years ago one of my dear friends lost his daughter, Brit, to cancer. I wrote about it here.  It was (and is) horrible. The emptiness of her loss can never be replaced; but maybe we can celebrate what she meant to so many with something as silly as black toenail polish.

When I met Brit, the one thing I remember was her fingernail polish...black, dark unmistakable BLACK.  It was her thing, her signature.  I get that.  I understand having your "thing"...and to Brit, the black fingernail polish was her thing.  In every picture I've ever seen of her, I also see the black fingernail polish.  I love it. 

At Brit's funeral I noticed almost every woman there (and some guys) had black fingernails or toenails.  I was no exception. I had purchased some new black fingernail polish that I intended to take to her in the hospital.  That visit never happened.

Now every September I break out the black toenail polish and get to painting.  This year, I purchased a new bottle that is called "Never Enough Shoes" (OPI for Sephora).  I am in love! The perfect mix of Brit's black polish, and my (over-exuberant) love for shoes.  Absolutely Perfect!

So tonight, in celebration of Brit, Anya and I got to painting our toes.  A perfect black with sparkles!

CHALLENGE

I would like to challenge all of your fashionistas out there to consider painting your toenails black this September.  And when you do think about Brit, and say a little prayer for her family.

The Compliment Challenge - day 25

Meet my beautiful friend(s), Susan!

I decided to make this a joint-post for my 2 beautiful friends - who are both named Susan.  Must be something about the name. 

Susan - she was one of my first season clients when I started off as a designer rep for a private label clothing line.  I have appreciated her loyalty and enthusiasm season after season for about 12 seasons now! She is the most gracious host; you can tell when she has a get-together, her friends love being in her home.

She is a stunningly beautiful woman.  Tall, thin, blonde, blue-eyed.  Ya...one of 'those'! LOL!  She is the mom to 2 very successful sons, and the wife to a great man.  She has a huge heart for Christ, and is generous with her time and talents. Her inside-out beauty is the kind that draws you in.  She is someone who comes to mind and you think "wow, I haven't seen her in a while, I miss her!".  On my first Mother's Day as a mom, she sent me a Mother's Day card.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me...and just goes to show what a thoughtful person she is.

I love her style - she has a creative slant to her effortless style that so many women try to have.  And honestly, everything looks good on her!  Her background includes a stint in the fashion world...and I can see why she was successful doing that!  Her helpful spirit combined with her super cool style are both things you will remember!


Then there is my other friend, Susan.  I met this Susan through her husband.  You see, I was her birthday gift one year (or maybe it was Christmas...).  Yes - for a gift from her husband, she got me...and a complete wardrobe consultation, closet audit and some great new clothes.  Through that process we realized that we knew some of the same people, and became fast friends.

She is a great Mom to 2 little boys and wife to a strong and brave man (literally, he is as a firefighter) who is just as kind as she is. Like my first friend Susan, this Susan also had a career in the (retail) fashion world years ago.  I would call her style "Tailored comfort".  Every time I see her, she looks amazing.  She is able to pull together adorable outfits and systematically adds things to her wardrobe (she has learned well...my little grasshopper!...and if you've never seen Karate Kid, you now think I have lost my mind!). 

She is such a beautiful woman, inside and out.  She is the kind of stunner that can look great in sweats or dressed to the 9's.  She has GREAT legs (that I keep trying to get her to show off more in skirts!), amazing sparkling eyes and a smile that lights up the room. 

The Compliment Challenge - day 24

Meet my beautiful friend, Vanessa!

Vanessa and I met through a project I did with her Dad's company a million years ago.  We became fast friends (even tho she is the same age as one of my step-daughters!)...and bonded over fashion.

I honestly have struggled with this post on the beauteous Nessa...which is why you see it here toward the end of the Challenge. I knew I would have a lot to say, so have tried to bring my thoughts into some organization.

I am so very proud of her.  She took a chance and followed her dream to open a boutique...that is a great place to shop (by the way!).  Vanessa is incredibly smart.  She is one of the most thoughtful, thought-filled people you will ever meet.  She is kind, grateful, gracious.  She has amazing artistic talent.

Vanessa was one of the most beautiful brides I have ever EVER seen.  I have also seen her when she is a hot mess (literally!), and she was just as beautiful.  She strives to follow Christ in all that she does, and credits all of her success to Him.

She is real.  She loves her family.  One of the joys I have is watching her posts on Facebook when she talks about a family day with her parents on the beach...or date night with her (just as amazing) husband, Steven.

She is a loyal friend.  She just won't compromise success over relationships.  I love that about her.  This is something that I believe has contributed to her store's success.

Vanessa is one of the MOST beautiful women.  She has that look so many of would (and have!) pay a TON of money to be like.  She has perfectly natural beautiful blonde (curly -HELLO!) hair, and the prettiest blue eyes.  She is another one of those women who has a peaches and cream complexion...and you can't stop staring at it...searching for a pore - any pore.

Of course she has a knack for style.  I mean, common!  That is what bonded us together so many years ago.  Her closet is like a place the angels go when they need the perfect dress for a night out (maybe a little dramatic...).  Her style is the top of feminine glam, and I credit her for helping me out of my "jeans and a jacket" slump years ago.

...and that is my beautiful friend, Vanessa!

The Compliment Challenge - day 23

Meet my beautiful friend, Amy

Amy is a superstar.  She is something of a big deal.  It would be very easy to become jealous of Amy's success, the way she has expertly been able to manage career and family, her remarkable ability to say 'no', her talents as a Mom,  her business accomplishments, and can I just mention her creative talent?  Whew!  All that, packaged into this little petite bundle of energy known as my friend, Amy.

Amy has a natural talent for finding those great Goodwill pieces that are amazing.  She is one of those Moms who always looks great, completely pulled together...and the rest of us wonder how she does it.  Amy epitomizes what I try to tell women every day...you need to care about yourself, it is OK to take time for yourself...it is OK to look nice every day! 

Amy is one of those beauties that draws you in.  You might see her across the room and wonder what she is laughing about (and she laughs a lot)...she has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, and the most beautiful perfect complexion. Honestly - since we're all friends here, if I didn't know Amy, I probably wouldn't believe she was for real. 

The word 'beautiful' really is Amy...in her appearance, her personality, her grace, the way loves her family, her work and how she loves her friends.

The Compliment Challenge - day 22

Meet my beautiful friend, Chellie

In the interest of full disclosure, Chell isn't my friend...well, I mean she IS a friend - but she is my cousin. We are the same age, and grew up together.  Let me formally apologize to Chell for the trips we made to Florida to see our grandparents when I was just a little boy crazy.  OK, a lot boy crazy!  Oi!

Chell has such a heart for injustice.  What makes her so beautiful is that she took a horrible thing that happened in her life, and has turned it around and been able to use that situation for good.  Not everyone can do that...most can't.  She works for the Special Victim's unit that is part of the prosecutor's office. Her day-to-day work is life changing. What she does has a real impact not only in our community, but in the lives of so many women and children. It's a big deal.

I admire her for so many things. 

Chell has a smile that will put you in a good mood on the worse day.  The way she loves her family is truly inspirational. And, she is so pretty...if you look up the word in the dictionary - there you would see Chellie...a true beauty, inside and out.

Why the Compliment Challenge?

This is why...because it makes people feel good.  No other reason. 

When I started this challenge, I asked several friends and business owners to come along side me to do this. I asked for them to share the challenge with their friends. Very few did.  Honestly, it bothered me.  Why wouldn't you commit to remember others first, and compliment them.

You never know what kind of day someone is having, and just saying "hey, I love those shoes" might be the one thing she needed to hear that could turn her day around.  Or, why not tell that one friend that you notice her hard work...and it matters.

Here is one friend / business owner, in her own words...

Kathy Friend has an idea that could change our small world, one woman at a time. Please take the compliment challenge with us - I honestly thought I didn't have time, until I was on the receiving end of the compliment. Now I can't wait to tell my woman friends how much they inspire me every day. Thank you Kathy Fisher Friend.

THAT is why we should all compliment one another.  Make a conscious effort to notice...to think of others first...to make someone else feel special today.  That's all.  That's the challenge.

The Compliment Challenge - day 21

Meet my beautiful friend, Brittani

Oh, sweet Brittani - what to say about her.  Her loveliness exudes from the inside out.  I am not kidding.  She is one of the most beautiful, kind, giving people in the entire world.  I met her through our church (I think), but I have known of her through her work for a long time.  She is a photographer.  Her heart shows in her photography of life's special moments: engagements, weddings, family photos, babies, graduations etc..  Most of the good pics you've seen of me or my family were taken by her. Ya see - I have an "approved photographer" list (people who I trust to take pics of me, because they always take great pics)...she is on that list...and it is a short list. Don't believe me?  See the 2 pics of me to the right?  Yep, she took those, and let me tell you - she works MAGIC with that camera, because I KNOW I did not look that good the day she photographed me!

When something is going on in anyone's life, I know she is praying for them.  I can't tell you how many times I've received a kind note, email or text from Brittani just to see how things are going.  She gets her caring beautiful ways honestly...her Mom, Angel, is just as lovely.

Brittani is a beauty - the kind of beautiful woman you can't stop staring at (stop it. You're staring at her pic, aren't you?  I know - she is HOT isn't she???).  Every time I see her, my thought is "flawless". Perfectly beautiful smile (one that a dentist's kid is a little jealous of), beautiful bright sparkling eyes, and can we just mention her perfect skin?  

The Compliment Challenge - day 20

Meet my beautiful friend daughter Anya

I know, everyone thinks thier daughter is beautiful...and all daughters ARE beautiful.  But, let me tell you about my daughter.

My kiddo spent the first 7 years of her life living in orphanages in Russia.  She  learned to be tough.  She found ways to survive in an environment no child should have to live in. And, the thing is - the places where she lived were not all that bad...as far as orphanages go.

Anya is frighteningly smart.  She has been able to learn English in a very short period of time.  She loves to read.  Big books (like a few hundred pages)!  She loves to compete, but not hurting someone's feelings is more important to her than winning.  She is passionate about right and wrong.  Even when one of her friends does something that she isn't sure about, she will always bring it to me to talk about.  She asks herself "what would Jesus do" when she gets in tough situations.

My little one is so funny.  All you have to do is spend a little time with her to appreciate her humor.  She loves to make people laugh.

She is so beautiful.  Every now and then we get a look at her and see a grown up daughter...and I get scared!  If you are a Mom, then you know what I am talking about!

And, her heart.  My little one has the biggest heart. She can be very sensitive, and she says her favorite thing to do is have a special "Mommy and Anya" day.

The Compliment Challenge - day 19

I can't believe we are on to day 19 of The Challenge!

Meet my beautiful friend, Betsy

I've known Betsy since college - and she is exactly the same...beautiful, poised, smart, driven and full of life. Betsy is one of those friends who I cherish.  She is someone who I don't see often (all though she lives, literally, minutes from my house), and need to see more. Bets is someone who pops into my head frequently when I am praying.

Betsy has a beautiful, infectious spirit.  You will rarely see her unhappy. She has a way of making you feel like the most important person in the room.  She is smart!  She is the owner/publisher of The Family Magazine...something she has created from nothing to this wildly popular magazine, with several spin-off publications. 

Betsy has a great style...in trying to come up with a creative name for it (that would be fitting for Bets), the only thing I come up with is Tailored Leopard, with a dose of Sass and Artistic Twist.  She is former pageant girl, so I don't need to tell you how beautiful she is..she has crowns to prove it! (I wish I had a crown, I wonder if she wears it around the house when no one is looking...I would!)

The Compliment Challenge - day 18

Meet my beautiful friend Michelle

She is an author, mom, a pastor-wife, a friend.  An amazing woman with a giant heart for God's Will.  Many times, God's wisdom has come to me through Michelle.  She has a genuine appreciation for the talents of others, and a caring spirit that my words can not to justice in explaining. She and her husband are world-changers.  Literally.  The work and seeds they have planted in India are amazing.  What they are allowing God to do through their family is pretty remarkable.

She co-authored a book called Share The Well with her husband.  So yes...she is smart too!

Michelle has the most amazing relaxed style.  She doesn't think she has the fashion-gene...but she does. She is a natural beauty whose smile can light up a room. She has the kind of blonde hair that women pay thousands of dollars to try to get (not mentioning any names...just sayin').

Her unassuming fabulousness is contagious.  When you meet her, you're note sure what it is, but you know you want it!

The Compliment Challenge - day 17

Meet my beautiful friend, Rebecca

Rebecca is a makeup artist, and her job is to teach women how to bring out their natural beauty.  Isn't that cool? She owns a makeup store called Camellia. I love Rebecca.  I met her years ago when I was having serious face / skin / makeup problems. She was so kind, and really took time with me to make sure I understood and got the kinds of things I was looking for.  Since then, I have been forever in her debt.

Rebecca is on my "dream makeover team".  I have a team of professionals I bring along side me when I have super fun amazing projects that require makeup and hair artists.  She is one of those people.  And let me tell you, I am VERY picky about who I bring onto this team.  Call me a snob...that's fine. But I only like to hang around with the best-of-the-best...that is Rebecca.

Rebecca's beauty is obvious, isn't it?  I mean, common - LOOK AT HER!  Hello!  Don't we ALL wish we looked like her?  I have heard people in her store say "just give me everything that you use".  I really can't come up with words to describer her beauty other than to say that when she walks in a room...everyone stops to look at her.  She is THAT beautiful.

The Compliment Challenge - day 16

Meet my beautiful friend, Vincy

Ya know, it is pretty cool when you can say that someone who is famous is a friend.  I mean...a real life friend.  Vincy is one of those people.  We have a lot of 'in common' pals, and they had been telling me that I HAD to meet her, that I'd love her.  And I do!

Vincy is the morning DJ on WFRN.  She is so talented on the airwaves, and as a singer. She is on the air with Doug - who I am convinced is my twin brother from another mother and a different generation.  I have the pleasure to be on the air with these two every Friday morning, on the Doug and Vincy Show.

Now let's talk about Vincy...she is a beautiful red head - I just love her coloring.  She can wear all those colors that I have tried to wear (and shouldn't ever EVER again!).  You can see her love for Jesus when you look in her eyes. That kind of beauty is a little uncommon, and the kind of beauty we all want. She has a magnetism about her that makes you want to be around her. And I love her style.  I would call it Rock-n-Roll Boho.  She is one of those gals who can ROCK jeans.  Seriously.  Kinda jealous of that, if I'm being honest...

The Compliment Challenge - day 15...BONUS!

Many thanks to my beautiful friend, Heather!

Heather is hilarious.   I am not kidding - you can not be in a room with this girl without completely cracking up. She blogs over at Live Your Love Out Loud - and she is helping to spread the word about The Compliment Challenge...far and wide!  And for that, I want to publicly say "hey, thanks!"

Check out her blog - you will be glad you did! 

The Compliment Challenge - day 15

Meet my beautiful friend, Angie

What can I say about Angie.  The only thing that compares to her stunning beauty is her huge heart...and maybe her talent :)

If you are privileged enough to know this beautiful woman, then I don't have to tell you how special she is. She has an ability to make you feel like you are the most important person in the room.  Her huge heart for people is shown through her work at Bridge of Hope. The mission of Bridge of Hope Saint Joseph County is to end and prevent homelessness for women and their children with the help of trained mentoring groups within congregations.Ya I know...pretty amazing.


Angie is one of my friends who always asks me if something looks good on her.  And, it always does.  She cracks me up with her fashion questions...but I love her for seeing me as the "expert" to help her.

I said that she is beautiful - really, super duper pretty.  But let me tell you about her talent.  Angie is a petite little thing...but when she has a microphone and starts to sing...that girl can SAAAAANG! She has done some stuff in the music world that would impress your socks off...and embarrass Ang to death! She uses her talent to glorify God...and that's pretty cool.

The Compliment Challenge - day 14

Meet my beautiful friend, Sue

Sue - what can I say about Sue?  She is one of those friends I need to see every so often...and someone I don't get to see enough. 

Sue is stunningly beautiful.  She should be a model.  Not kidding. She always looks great...even when I've caught her in sweats and a t-shirt.  She still looks adorable!

Sue's beauty is more than skin deep.  She is so kind, and always looking for ways to make people feel special (and thing is, I bet she doesn't even know that she does that!).

The Compliment Challenge - day 13

Meet my beautiful friend, Tammie

I met Tammie at the same time I met Wendy - and instantly I knew I liked her, and that we'd be friends for a long time. Our friendship has gone from meeting up on Friday night and staying out WAY too late to sharing in each others joy as we both become Moms to little princesses from the same city in Russia. 

Tammie is one of the most generous, kind and giving people you will ever meet.  Her thoughtfulness has helped me out in times when I was single and wasn't employed.  Her friendship means the world to me.

I have always admired Tammie's style.  She has an effortless tailored chic style that I wish I could pull off.  I've always wanted long straight hair, and could never get mine to grow past my shoulders...Tammie has that beautiful long straight hair that people like me envy.  She has a great figure, and looks WOW in skinny jeans!  Yes - she is one of THOSE gals!  She is also someone who doesn't need a lot of makeup (so jealous!), she always looks great...if she has on jeans and a t-shirt, is heading to the beach or is all gussied up for a night out.

Her beauty is great, her talents are many...and her heart is huge.  ...and I have expanded her love addiction to shoes (haha!)

The Compliment Challenge - day 12

Meet my beautiful friend, Wendy

What can I say about Wendy...a true beautiful woman - who just learned to love mascara and to hate hair scrunchies (kind-of an inside joke).

I met Wendy through a guy I used to date a thousand years ago.  Who knew the guy wouldn't last, but the friend would!  Love that!  Wendy has a heart of gold.  Every time we had a fundraiser for the adoption - she was there.  Through 6 years of adoption nightmare, Wendy understood and helped me through it.  She also has a beautiful daughter from another country.

Here is the thing about Wendy - she honestly has NO idea how adorable she is.  She has the most adorable figure...and she really doesn't know.  She is a natural beauty whose smile lights up a room.  And now that she is wearing mascara...we can see her beautiful eyes!

Wendy takes time for friends and family. She remembers things like birthdays and anniversaries.  Very blessed to have her on my side!

The Compliment Challenge - day 11

Meet my beautiful friend, Stacy!

I've known this beautiful woman since college, and she is one of my dearest friends.  Stacy and I have been through some STUFF together!

I remember in college seeing her and being jealous (in a good healthy way, just to be clear!).  She just seemed so cool.  Like one of those girls who had it all together.  She was a good dancer, had an adorable boyfriend, was stunningly beautiful...of course she was smart and always seemed to be surrounded by a lot of friends.

Knowing Stacy as an adult, we have become close friends.  She is one of those friends where we could not talk for months, and then get together and it would be like no time has passed at all.  I love her because of so many things.  Her heart for Jesus, and her deep desire for His Will in her life; her spunk and sassy nature; and I know that she is someone that I can always count on to be honest with me.

But let's be real.  All of those inside things are beautiful, yes.  But look at her!  Hello! She has the most beautiful hair, and it doesn't matter if it is long or short - it always looks amazing! And her eyes, the most wow color of blue.  I notice people turning to look at her when we walk in a restaurant. I promise it's that God-Beauty that is glowing from the inside out!

The Compliment Challenge - day 10

Meet my beautiful friend, Nina!

I am seeing a theme here.  Seems all of my friends are smart and beautiful!

I honestly have never met anyone like Nina. The more I get to know her, the more I am an awe of her...her spirit, her heart, and her wise counsel. For all practical intents and purposes, I call Nina my business partner. Let's face it, she is good for my ego!

Nina's list of accomplishments is impressive.  She is internationally known in her field.  She helps people fulfill dreams; she helps people see potential in areas that they might be blind to. 

Her generosity astounds me time and time again. That is something I believe comes from her heart for Christ...which is huge and overflowing. 

She is one of those women who I wish I could pop my eyeballs out and let her see herself as the world sees her.  Doesn't everyone with they were tall, beautiful and blonde?